Midlife midriff

Eating a lot of garbage and dessert-obsessive
for several months, I put on a few pounds
      — and more.

Waddling is hell, and fat is a problem for the heart
      — I’m hungry & in pain.

Waist weight is a cruel joke, and age is no help.

—Terri Guillemets

scrambled blackout poetry created from David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day, 2000, pages 136–139

There are actually eight

It’s a sin to waste chocolate.  It’s in the Bible.  Ghirardelli ®  3:17.

—Terri Guillemets

P.S.  Thanks to my mom for letting me know that she saw a Viabella greeting card with this quote on it at a nearby store. The inside reads: “Wishing you a birthday that’s sinfully delicious.” —tg, 2015

Splat!

I don’t cry over spilt milk, but a fallen scoop of ice cream is enough to ruin my whole day.

—Terri Guillemets

P.S.  Thank you to crossword constructor Judge Victor Fleming of Arkansas and his puzzle partner Bonnie Gentry of Arizona for turning this quotation into a crossword puzzle titled “Mishap to Avoid at Ben & Jerry’s,” published in Simon & Schuster Mega Crossword Puzzle Book #7.  Judge Fleming is also responsible for outing me in a 2008 article at a time when I had been trying to run The Quote Garden in a more-or-less anonymous manner. But since it happened anyway, I decided to go with it and very shortly thereafter added my photo to the website and shared a little more about myself. So it turned out to be a good thing even though at first I was a tad mortified. —tg, 2010