no matter which end-of-life decisions were made,
there are always regrets, there is always that guilt —
live parts of me holding onto memories of a dying you
dead parts of me holding onto living memories of you
—Terri Guillemets
emotions
Do I write grief, or is it writing me?
I write all these death poems, these grief poems,
and does it really make me feel better? Or am I just
twisting my heart so that I can feel, to remember?
Because I’m afraid that if I don’t feel, I’ll forget.
—Terri Guillemets
Afloat on hope
A viral magic act —
making all disappear
but essentials
and our souls are tore down,
emotions tested
communities spread thin
but never so together —
fear and negative mindsets
purpose and positive actions
our generosity unmasked
inspiration is contagious.
We live, we die;
we survive, but barely —
It’s been so long,
we are getting sick of this, but
it’s gotten us closer to ourselves
even as we distance from others.
A year of stern warning from
mother nature that some won’t heed
suffering, separation, and need
a year of gratitude and pain
a year of disorder, loss and gain
yes, many gifts too — science, love,
veiled blessings, principle, perspective;
months were lost but not the lessons.
We have homework: wrest the energy
to begin our rock-bottom rebuilding.
—Terri Guillemets
#covid-19 #coronavirus #2020
A January day that lives forever
In my head —
I’ve tried a million
times to go back
to that day —
tried to change
my choices
begged a do-over
from the universe
I’ve crippled myself with
guilt
sorrow
thrashing the quicksand
sinking in
layers of grief
fighting a sticky web
trapped in
regret-regret-regret
I don’t even care about
my own
broken heart
I’m sorry
I broke yours
—Terri Guillemets
Why we can’t let go
Regret is the glue that makes grief stick around for a lifetime.
—Terri Guillemets
Quiet healing
It is said that the body will heal itself of most things, if we will allow it to do so and not overburden it with remedies — the same is true of the soul and the heart.
—Terri Guillemets
Transforming
I translate stars into daydreams
I make rain and rainbows into
freshly squeezed joy
I breathe the air of possibility
I swim deep in rivers of passion
I use my loneliness as
a stepping stone to love
I am on the march to freedom
I tend to my blossoming soul
—Terri Guillemets
Memorial
Grieving makes us stronger
It gives us a spirit of grace
And the grace of spirit
Our hearts feel weaker
But living past loss is
the ultimate courage
We honor our loved ones
by living on despite,
and all the more because.
—Terri Guillemets
Water cycle
to cry is beautiful —
the beauty of one’s pain
leaving the heart
—Terri Guillemets
blackout poetry created from Maud Casey, The Man Who Walked Away, 2014,
Grief bores holes
Grief bores holes
in our hearts & heads
like a woodpecker
— peck peck peck
— knock knock knock
You can’t make it stop
Eventually it flies away
— but leaves pits
that never fully heal
—Terri Guillemets
Abrupt
When you’re used to seeing someone day after day, for years on end, and then suddenly they’re gone, you
—Terri Guillemets
Insomnia ticking
three o’clock —
anxiety, regret
in the depths of worry
swept away in the
whirlwind of nothing —
a horrible nothing
—Terri Guillemets
blackout poetry created from Octave Mirbeau, The Diary of a Chambermaid, 1891–1900,
Exhaustion: A Poem
Exhausted. 🥴
—Terri Guillemets