Death lights heavy

Hummingbird mama —
abandons her nonviable eggs
but keeps checking back
a few more times, just to be sure.

Arms fall off a saguaro,
break open on the ground
like fragile eggshells —
after years of desert still-life
a few seconds of death-motion.

But the night breeze is so beautiful
those breezes are — so beautiful,
it’s hard not to get swept away.

A January day that lives forever

In my head —
      I’ve tried a million
      times to go back
      to that day —
tried to change
      my choices
begged a do-over
      from the universe
I’ve crippled myself with
      guilt
      sorrow
thrashing the quicksand
      sinking in
      layers of grief
fighting a sticky web
      trapped in
      regret-regret-regret
I don’t even care about
      my own
      broken heart
I’m sorry
      I broke yours

We picked up your ashes today

We picked up your ashes today
When I look at them, I see bone
When I close my eyes, I see light
Something like an invisible hand
raises my lowered chin
      —“Keep looking up”
Was that your gesture? or God’s?
I loved you on earth
and I love you beyond
      —Welcome home

White butterfly

Thank you for believing in me still —
after all these give-ups
and half-days trying:
the days half-trying —
your strength flies over my weakness
my strength aspires to you;
I spot you all the time
knowing you’re spotting me.
Looking close is fine and good,
once in a while
but flight is beauty,
your waving wings
and gliding, soaring courage,
green leaves & faith your backdrop,
blue sky your home.
You never stay too long
but are always there
when I need you.
To remind me of beauty
and make all my poetry prayer,
I don’t know if the air is sweet
for you, or hard —
for me the ground is both —
but you’re still here
and I thank you.